Lucas Story

Welcome to the first of our “Your Story” articles. Giving our users a way to share their stories of coming out, self-acceptance, navigating the workplace and more. First up, we have Luca, and their story of self-acceptance and overcoming others’ thoughts.

Please note, not all of our stories come from native English speakers, so you may find grammar errors. We want to share these stories as they are shared with us, so minimal changes are made.


A self-portrait of Luca

It started around a young age, with my age probably around 8 – 9ish when I started going to a new school.. (awkwardly laughs) I didn’t quite know what I was feeling butterflies were fluttering my stomach, being around certain girls.. which I think I had crushes on…

I was a girl at the time… so I was my own homophobic, homosexual self-arguing in my head whether which was correct. Falling onto the side of what I was taught I went to the homophobic side pushing away such feelings, suppressing it all in a jar at the back head…

Now joke of course that was a struggle but I managed… as I moved my focus on to whether I liked being a girl.. being in a girl’s body that soon was to face puberty…

I started questioning myself and my body wishing I was a boy instead… (young me wasn’t educated and knew nothing about LGBTQIA+ at that time only knowing about 2 genders, due to her surroundings and environment not being open-minded to the community they were unknowingly in)

Moving on, I moved to a new country and started afresh, with obstacles sneaking behind, settling into a new country and new language I entered an international school around 2021.

I was first shocked in a good giddy way when I noticed an open lesbian couple, one walking with a flag mask and holding their lover’s hand… though I noticed the slight homophobia the ladies focused on themselves and their relationship.

After weeks of seeing the confident couple together, their love inspired young me in some way to figure out their sexuality first, by going on the Internet and searching for what am I feeling. Going deep into searching up sexualities and meanings which turned later young me found bisexual fitted them and no more lesbian, a closeted bisexual though.

Months went on and I, this time decided to accept the butterfly feeling I had in my stomach being around certain girls which I made a friend who was lesbian and we got along quite well.

I later, stumbled into an obstacle of what gender am I? As I started feeling different from being a girl.. and I couldn’t find the answer yet, it was confusing but i was certain with patience I’d figure it out.

I trusted myself and found out genderfluid fitted for that moment as I’d feel like a guy at times and a girl other times or a mix-mix.

I made friends in a group and we got along with common interests, months later and the group broke it smaller groups and I was with my LGBTQIA+ supporting friends who were a part of the community.

The bond grew and I came out of the closet to them with my 2 friends supporting me and trying to understand with I felt.

Time passed and 1 friend went back to their country so I just had one friend left. I had a crush on them but our friendship was and still is alright.

Hanging out and getting along I confessed my feelings to her and it felt right though I got friend-zoned I moved on and we kept our friendship. I felt off about the genderfluid part and started watching lgbt shows to distract myself, it helped of course.

The new me bloomed but sadly the fun was halted as I went back home and had to act a character. I was determined to figure myself out so later which was a rollercoaster of a ride though at the end I found out I’m trans and started thinking of male names that suited me. I waited till pride month 2023 to tell my mom I was gay and trans though the day came, it didn’t go as I expected, it hurt but I moved on after some time.

Sexuality after sexuality, name after name I put my foot down on a certain name with the help of a trusted supporting friend and placed my foot down on a sexuality, and worked to get comfortable with it.

Now, in the present time…

I got out of the closet on the Internet and it felt good. Changed my username and bio, and made some friends. I felt good. I was happy. I was confident. After tons of videos and chatting with fellow community members with the inspiration of “Charlie Spring” a character from Heartstopper.

His line that hit me, was: “There’s this idea that if you’re not straight, you HAVE to tell all your family and friends immediately, like you owe it to them. But you don’t. You don’t have to do anything until you’re ready.”

With that quote playing in my head, a new me blossomed with the sense of telling myself: “I’m me, I’m queer in some sense and gay on the other. This fruity and zesty side of me, was always there just waiting to bloom out a beautiful new unknown colourful rose, so I owe no one an explanation or coming out tale. I must move and focus on my mental and physical well-being and that’s all.”

Though I’m still figuring out the new blossomed me and what I, or they like, I’m happy with the me now and won’t let anyone take that away from me cause I’ll always find a way to shine. The me now, in a loud and proud way. I’d also wish to let others feel good about the selves they feel within and I’m talking about from the heart.

Thank you for having interest in my story of self acceptance and not letting others’ thoughts get to me.

Thank you,

Luca

The trans, gay and queer male 💛

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